I f*cking swear to the all mighty Gods if one more person calls me “hateful” or tells me “I’m so full of hate” because I protest racism, Trumpism , or “Insert hate group of the week”, I am going to get nuclear. If protesting misogyny, White supremacy views, ableists, LGBTQIA-phobia, and anti-immigrant is hateful to you, its time for you to do some deep soul searching. From my point of view it looks as if you’re an advocate for a very dark heinous group of people who are actually hateful.
So, nearly 3 or 4 people from my very white high school have said, “This isn’t who I remember you as…you’ve become so hateful”. Then they really didn’t know me. Because I was FULL OF FIRE AND HATE in high school. There were a couple of young women who I used to day dream of tripping them and watching them fall down our very long cafeteria steps because of how unfairly they treated me. I am actually a much more loving and forgiving person than I was in high school. I love deeply. Mostly, I kept quiet in school because if I were more vocal, it’d been just a constant fight against the sexist bigoted bullshit coming out of teacher’s and kid’s mouths.
Often, I was so full of nerves from the social shunning I experienced daily, I’d puke before the day began. I would puke or gag on my empty stomach acid. So, don’t pretend you thought you knew me in high school. Yes, this white liberal snowflake really does need a safe place because I’m triggered. Yeah, I said triggered by my past. I do truly wish I had had my anti-depressants and anxiety meds back in high school so I could’ve coped better. But it seems odd that I still today take meds to cope with a harsh world, instead of the world working to be kinder and gentler. All in all, I feel I was born with a higher frequency of sensitivity than most, so it might not have mattered what people were doing around me. Or maybe it does? Fitting in was hard as hell.
I don’t know who will read this. I am making it public. If it makes any difference, I’ve been a liberal since about age 10 when I sat with my dad and watched “Gone with the Wind”. He explained slavery to me and something inside me changed. After this point, I sought out friends who had alternative thought if it was possible. As I grew older it was easier and easier to find people like myself. I have made mistakes and pissed people off of all types. Even so, I apologized and tried to learn from my ignorance and to the people who I angered, I didn’t call them hateful. I tried my best to see their pain.
Is there this bit of guilt about choosing to be willfully ignorant? Is that why people unlike me think I hate them? I don’t hate (or love) easily, but I do dislike narrow minded crap. There’s a difference.
Nevertheless, I am never going to understand the cult of Trump, the KKK, the white people who believe in “White genocide”. That side of thinking will never be mine. I hold my open mind strongly and am proud to accept many cultures and religions, but I am not going to pretend things that aren’t harmful to millions aren’t harmful. If it offends you, than really its your battle to fight in your psyche, not mine.
My anger is mine. Anger is not hate. Anger is the reaction to injustice.